I'm low on full and I'm pretty sure I popped a tire a long the way.
It's been about three months since I've graduated college and got my degree. To this day I know the amount of excitement and accomplishment I felt during the moment of me walking across the stage will be a hard one to beat. I mean, I worked hard for my diploma, five years in the making, blood sweat and tears went into it. It was almost like a high, I quickly transitioned to a college student to now a college graduate, it was BIG deal. Now three months after the high from graduating has worn off, realistically I realized if I had a choose a perfect title for my transition of my two worlds it'd be broke college student to a now broke college graduate.
Today though, after checking my email religiously I finally received another email from a job I applied for. As I saw the name I have been hoping to see for weeks now, I couldn't help but to feel like what I was about to open would put my situation into a different perspective.
But before I get to what the email entailed, I want to start off with telling you the experience I have been having and a couple thoughts. I can't tell you how many applications I've applied for these past months. I also can't tell you how many rejection emails I have gotten in the process and callbacks or follow ups I haven't received, that one I've lost count on purposely. I don't know why I thought it'd be so easy to get a job. I've heard the horror stories of being jobless for months but I guess the optimist in me was hoping maybe it'd be a little different for me.
I should have saw it coming honestly, they all wanted experience and tons of references. And the truth is I spent most of my college experience as a full time student. My schedule consisted of going to school through out the day, then working the rest of the wee hours at jobs that had no impact on my career and were just there to help make ends meet. I wish I could have dropped my work just to get the experience of unlimited unpaid internships but in reality, I was my sole income. I had no help financially and paid for everything myself. It has always been that way and it wasn't going to change unless magically out of no where my family started living the American dream and won the lottery. If it wasn't for my student loans I would have been barely making it during those times. I also lived on my own. Hundreds and hundreds of miles away from my hometown. Two years ago I made the decision to leave my little beach town and move further down south to finish my degree. It felt like the right decision at the time and I still believe it is, but in the moments of struggle I can't help but to think about how easy my life would be if I'd stayed.
Aside from that depressing thought, I have to also remind myself that I'd honestly be no where if I did. And even though I am struggling now, at least it's me trying to achieve something I love rather than the expected from my little town. There is no opportunity there and I refused to settle. It is tempting to just apply for any job hiring right now or move back, but what would be the point with all my hard work I've put into make a living here? If I have to keep living on $1.49 rice, whole rice because I'm bougie, and 90 cents worth of canned kidney beans then I'll do it.
Now fast forwarding to my email I received today, the feeling I felt while opening and reading it made me stop myself for a second. They were impressed with my work I couldn't believe it, but this email was way too long to be a "congratulations we'd like an interview" one. They thoroughly explained how even though they were impressed there were others they wanted to pursue. Now even though I had gotten yet another rejection email this one struck a chord with me. I can tell that they actually took the time to look at my portfolio and consider me, there was sincerity in the words written.
And as I closed the email I wanted to cry, not for the reasons of not getting another interview but because they saw potential in my work. I had potential. I hadn't felt that way about myself or my work in a while, and I can't help but to think that this experience helped make me see it again. Now I would be bending the truth by saying this whole thing still isn't mentally mind screwing. I mean, I'm exhausted and at times I feel defeated but as I said earlier I refuse to settle and give up.
So to conclude this, even though I am still a broke graduate who will be living on rice and beans for just a little while longer at least my faith within myself has been restored. And sometimes that's all you need to keep going. I can't help to think that in the end it will all be worth it.